If you are celebrating the holidays away from family or during a major life change, please, please know that you are not alone. Here are some ideas to make these days special for yourself and your little family.
As we enter into October we can see the BIG 4 in our view finders...Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years. We are beginning to be bombarded by holiday ads of happy families joining together over a beautifully designed table that magically everyone fits around (not unlike the photo above), Hallmark movies that are supposed to producein you those holiday good feels, and every influencer in your feed is showing you the perfect holiday party outfit, yet if you've found yourself in a new location, and particularly out of the country you may have no where to go or are feeling like the odd man out. Or maybe you find yourself in the middle of a major life change. Perhaps a loved one will be missing at the table for the first time this year, your grown child isn't able to come home, or you've recently moved across town and all your decor is packed in one of the million boxes, then this time of year can seem lonely, daunting, and really just a plain drag. I have been there...I moved to Guatemala on December 10 and went from celebrating Thanksgiving with my new extended family in my hometown before our Saturday wedding and flung into a Christmas season in a new (and unseasonably warm for my taste) place.
I was having to give up my own family traditions and forced to adapt to the traditions of my brand new in-laws. At times it was fun to be in the middle of the very busy festivities but I was in a brand new apartment with no furniture, let alone a Christmas tree, no idea where I was and who I was meeting. Come time for the traditional fireworks show at midnight at literally every single house in the nation on Christmas Eve I finally cracked and broke down in tears. I learned I despise fireworks when they are only 10 feet away, and I just wanted to be home in my quiet house, on a crisp winter night sharing some red wine with good friends and family as Christmas jazz played softly in the background of our white elephant game. I was 2,000 miles from that scene. Rough.
My first Thanksgiving wasn't much better, only minus a few 50 people as it the exact opposite of the Guatemalan Christmas season and is (understandably) not a big celebration here, if you can believe it. I think American's tend to forget that we are the only country who celebrates Thanksgiving, particularly on the fourth Thursday of November (I see you Canada). And not to mention, my husband works for a retailer and although Guatemalans don't celebrate Thanksgiving, they do celebrate Black Friday, go figure...he would come home right at dinner time, because again there is no 2:00p.m. meal time, but rather a 7:00p.m. meal time and one year he ever returned to the office afterwards. I don't think I have to explain that this was far from my ideal Thanksgiving as newlyweds.
Back in those first years I knew kids would turn all this around, and may or may not be the reason I started having kids. So I waited patiently each year for that child to come, but even when my eldest did she was still so young. But finally, FINALLY, my two kids are here and now at the ages of 4 and 7 Thanksgiving is truly so special again. And of course we always celebrated Christmas together with family, but I must say Christmas with kids is always better no matter where you live. But how have I made these various holidays - 4th of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years - special for our family and blended not just the traditions (or non-traditions) of my husband's side of the family with that of the ones I knew and loved from mine, all while in a country that is not my own? Time, and sometimes money, ha!
First, what I mean by money is I make a big effort to travel back to my hometown to my parents house for our annual summer trip over the 4th of July. It has been so fun to show my latino children about Independence Day in the USA, make new memories and traditions and spend it with my side of the family. I pay big money to the airlines to make this happen. But the few times I have found myself in Guatemala I have gathered with fellow expats for a picnic, and if it happened that I would be here next year I would simply make the day special by doing something out of the ordinary, such as the zoo, children's museum, etc. and invite friends. If a particular holiday is special to you, save up and go home. There's no shame in making the annual pilgrimage back to the people who love and know you best.
As for the fall and winter holidays...on Halloween I do what I want. I frankly don't wait for my husband to get off work, or the abuelos to join us even though we typically trick-or-treat in their neighborhood. I make a plan to trick-or-treat with a friend or two and over the years we have formed our own Halloween group. This does mean I am solo managing the trick-or-treating but I often see it as a privilege to be part of those special childhood memories and truly thorougly enjoy walking the neighborhood with my kids.
For Thanksgiving, as I mentioned, it has become more special as my kids get older and join me in the festivities. Our day will always look different than it would if we lived in the States, but I have invested effort into still making the day special. First we head to our church to help decorate the building for Christmas and my kids LOVE the opportunity to decorate multiple tree's. We then have a simple lunch, bake my favorite cookies that make Thanksgiving Thanksgiving for me, peanut butter chocolate kiss cookies. I make a 3lb turkey breast in the crockpot, mashed potatoes, green beans and some sort of bread option. We work to set our formal dining table with our wedding china and everyone gets a fancy glass for wine/sparkling grape juice. My husband's work load fortunately has lightened as his team has grown so he is able to make it home in time for dinner and stay home. This day that I used to dread is now one of my favorite days as a family of four, even if we aren't cooking and vegging out in front of the TV to watch that year's Macy's Thanksgiving Day Paradesince I can't get the streaming service here...(pro tip if you're an expat: you can get similar vibes by playing last year's parade on YouTube.)
As for Christmas and New Years I've learned to enjoy the traditions my husband's family have, as over time they've now become my own. We enjoy a Christmas Eve brunch with friends, then we stay up very late on Christmas Eve (think 2:00a.m.), and yes so do my kids, although they usually head to bed between 11:00 and midnight. Everyone partakes in eating tomales, however I put in my time eating them the first five years living here and I've proven myself committed to the family and I'm now allowed to eat pizza or chicken fingers with the kids since I will never like tamales. Lastly my in-laws host a large party with extended friends and family on the 26th. Frankly for Christmas Eve and Day I do whatever the family asks of me. However, I have created two traditions on those two days that are just for ouselves: Christmas Eve service at our English speaking church, and Christmas Day morning is just our little family before we head to the house of my husband's parents in the afternoon. That morning our kids open their gifts, we have a special breakfast, and we simply just be. It's glorious.
I write these things not to just give you an insight into what holidays are like in my little slice of Guatemala, but also to let you know that:
Adjusting is always hard
You are not overreacting or being unreasonable if those first few holidays in a new place, both physically and metaphorically are disappointing, frustrating, over-stimulating, and unhappy. Give yourself grace and be kind to yourself. During the holidays all of your changes are highlighted and typed out in bold, ALL CAPITALS. Promise me and yourself that you will do one thing that brings you joy and makes you feel like yourself, and then follow it with another, and another...
Seasons change
I couldn't rush my kids coming and then growing older. I knew that having kids would give new purpose to these holidays and each new year I got closer to where we were in 2023 when it was the first Thanksgiving that I cried tears of gratitude. Just like with all things, these days will get easier and in a few years you will be able to look back and see where you started and how you and your family have grown closer and have added your own sparkle to those special days. You are forming the traditions of your children, and what an honor that is.
You can begin your own new tradition
It may seem forced to begin a tradition, but hey, a tradition has to start somewhere. Don't miss this chance to bring your little family together. Here are some ideas to help get you started:
Walk around to look at Christmas lights in the park, or in my case the outdoor mall as we do not have parks...I even try to get to the indoor mall to see their big Christmas tree with my kids.
Watch the same movie when you wrap presents - My choice is always White Christmas.
Plan a special Christmas date with your partner to take connect amidst the (good) chaos.
If you find yourself at Christmas time after a major move you likely don't have or aren't able to access all or any of your decor. You don't need much anyways, but I do encourage you to get at bare minimum a tree, real or fake (however bonus to go out and get your real tree altogether), and decorate it together as a family, whether that's just you and your partner or with a whole kid gang. It is always the most special.
Bake and decorate cookies - another pro tip: take 3 days to complete the process: Day 1, mix dough to chill overnight, Day 2, cut out and bake cookies, Day 3, decorate. This makes this activity much more manageable IMO and eliminates the fear of what daily activity you're going to do with your kids over Christmas break.
Purchase the overpriced pumpkins and paint/carve them.
For my expat friends, eat at the same restaurant on Thanksgiving
Create a holiday dinner menu and setting that excites you yet doesn't overwhelm you. There is absolutely no need to bake three desserts, two kinds of turkeys, or ten side dishes for your small family. Do what works for you and feels right!
Volunteer at a local nonprofit.
Attend and even actively participate in your church's kids Christmas play - there's truly no better way to feel grateful for the birth of our Savior than seeing a gaggle of kids act out the nativity story, trust me. Bonus, you'll be able to easily connect with new and old friends.
I would love to read what are some traditions your family has on holidays to help make them special?
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